Don’t Get Divorced this Summer
May 19, 2021
BY: Lesnevich, Marzano-Lesnevich, O'Cathain & O'Cathain
There’s a popular, unfortunate truth in matrimonial law: the busiest times of year for divorce are January and September. Why these two months? They come right after people have spent the most time— the holidays, the summer vacation months— with their families. (Of course, this doesn’t account for pandemic, in which, unfortunately, divorce rates have spiked nationwide.)
Now, you may wonder: ‘unfortunate’? Yes, unfortunate— even divorce lawyers don’t want people to get divorced. Divorce is, at its heart, the measure of last resort, after counseling has failed. Divorce is for when there are no other options left to turn the page to the next chapter of your life.
However, it’s equally true that no happy marriages end in divorce, and sometimes divorce is what’s necessary. At any age there’s a lot of living still left to be done. (Hence the recent popularity of ‘the gray divorce.’)
Knowing, however, that the fall will bring its predictably busy season of divorces, we thought we would use this blog post to advise people how to stay out of our offices: how not to get divorced.
- Communicate. No matter the season, communication is key! Even the smoothest, most fulfilled of marriages have issues and problems, and by communicating honestly, openly, and respectfully with your spouse you can keep these problems from festering into larger problems that may not be able to be resolved in counseling. Oftentimes one person in the marriage may feel as though the divorce is coming out of nowhere and blindsiding them— and that’s usually because of a lack of communication.
- Couple time. We get it, it’s hard: between the job, the kids, the dog… the bills, the laundry, dinnertime… it’s hard. Really hard. Even though it’s hard, however, it’s vital to the health of your marriage: you’ve got to make couple time. That doesn’t have to mean (if the circumstances won’t allow it) ditching the children, dressing up fancy, and going out for an expensive meal— it can mean something as simple as pouring a glass of wine and pressing play on a favorite playlist as you’re doing the dishes after the children are in bed. Anytime you get to breathe, lower your stress level, talk and be honest with each other— as well as laugh with each other! — is couple time.
- Me time. Equally important (and equally important) is alone time. Yes, in the course of the past year’s pandemic alone time has been increasingly hard to manufacture, but it’s necessary. One way to potentially create alone time is swapping with your spouse: you take the children to the park, a movie, or the beach alone for a couple of hours, and suddenly there’s an opportunity for your spouse to take a bath, read a book, meet a friend for coffee. Then, the next day you swap. Be careful, though: alone time does not mean picking up, packing lunches, or doing anything else for the household— it’s okay (in fact, it’s necessary) to be selfish with your alone time.
- Family time. Summer’s here— the sun’s out and the masks are off! (For fully vaccinated people.) It’s so easy for families to get caught up in the grind, the same routine (we love Taco Tuesday as much as the next person, but not every Tuesday). So, it’s important, especially when school’s out, for families to create indelible summer memories together by indulging in family time. Again, that doesn’t need to mean an expensive summer vacation; it can be as simple as a post-dinner trip walk to get ice cream, or microwaving the popcorn and streaming the latest family film together. And that’s the point: it must be together.
We hope these tips help— we’d love to see you stay out of our offices this fall. By working (with commitment and pleasure) at your marriage you may find divorce isn’t necessary after all.
If, unfortunately, you do need assistance in family law, please reach out to the Family Law Department at Lesnevich, Marzano-Lesnevich, O’Cathain & O’Cathain, LLC by visiting https://lmllawyers.com/family-law/ or calling: (201) 488-1161.