It’s 2022— Forget Your Resolutions
December 30, 2021
BY: Lesnevich, Marzano-Lesnevich, O'Cathain & O'Cathain
And suddenly— just like that— it’s the New Year. Christmastime is over, winter is here, the pandemic is still ongoing, and the days, months and years keep piling up. (Did you know that divorce rates annually spike in January, nicknamed ‘Divorce Month’?)
We’ve written blog posts in prior years, on how to handle your divorce resolutions (like this one, in 2020). Suffice to say most people who make resolutions in January— be it to lose weight, save money or act more civilly in their divorce proceedings— don’t stick to their resolutions. By the time, say, spring rolls around, our New Year’s Resolutions are long forgotten.
When it comes to divorce, let’s not make one.
Well, wait a minute, you might think to yourself. I do want to have a better divorce in 2022, this New Year. (And, of course, we all want this damn pandemic to be over.) But instead of making a resolution that’s just going to be a broken habit in several weeks, what if there were steps you could take every day to have a better, smarter divorce in 2022? Here are some ideas:
- Set realistic expectations. Divorce is often longer, more costly, more disappointing, and unwieldly than we expect it to be (or want it to be). The Court’s docket is crowded, and everything— from agreeing to a child custody arrangement to negotiating alimony— takes far more time than clients would like it to. So be honest with yourself, and talk with your attorney honestly. Good communication about the difficulties of the divorce process can level-set your expectations so we leave disappointment behind in 2021.
- Take a deep breath. Yes, you’re angry, and perhaps rightfully so: at your spouse, your soon-to-be-ex spouse, the Judge, the Court, your lawyer, the opposing counsel… the whole system (and perhaps the whole world). If you take a deep breath, count to ten, remember that this is a moment in time and not forever, you may not behave in a way you may regret later. The simple point is to keep the golden rule in mind during your divorce: Treat others as you would like to be treated yourself. It can be easy to forget during a contentious divorce, and a deep breath may help you remember it.
- Take time for yourself. Life during a divorce is stressful, and there’s a lot to contend with: children, their school, work, the pandemic, household chores… it all adds up quickly. When you add your divorce (which can sometimes feel like a part-time job) to the mix, you may find you have no time for yourself. The truth is, you have to make time— and you have to take it. Don’t feel guilty if a dirty dish is still in the sink or a piece of the kid’s laundry is unfolded. You need to take the five minutes to yourself to sit and have a cup of tea, read a chapter in a book, or simply do nothing. If 2022 is good for nothing new but this, let the New Year be the time for you to start being kinder to yourself.
Everyone at Lesnevich, Marzano-Lesnevich, O’Cathain & O’Cathain, LLC wishes you a safe, healthy and Happy New Year! And if you’re going through divorce proceedings, may 2022 be the year your divorce is finalized.
Thinking about divorce in this New Year? We can help. Please call: (201) 488-1161 or visit us online at: www.lmllawyers.com.