How To Cope With Divorce and What to Have in Mind

Let’s Talk About…Divorce Resolutions

December 9, 2019
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How to cope with divorce

As 2020 approaches, most people have started thinking about resolutions for the new year.  Some people may be vowing to shed some excess pounds from Thanksgiving or to learn a new skill set, but others may be vowing to leave behind a marriage that just isn’t working anymore.  If you are thinking about divorce in 2020, here are a few resolutions that you should consider making.

1. Explore all of your options

Divorce is not a path that should be taken lightly.  It’s incredibly difficult for a marriage to bounce back after one spouse files for divorce, even if both spouses ultimately decide that they want to stay together.  The divorce process is innately adversarial, and it may be impossible to regain trust in the process of divorce.

If you believe that your marriage is repairable, consider going to marriage counseling for a period of time before making any decisions.  Or, if you think some space may help you and your spouse see things more clearly, a separation period may be most beneficial.  If you have already decided that divorce is right for you, and you and your spouse are still very amicable, consider engaging in the collaborative divorce process or mediation before turning to the court system.

2. Find help

Once you have decided what path you wish to take, figure out what professionals you need to contact and retain.  Whether it will be a marriage counselor, a mediator, or an attorney, making sure you have the right team to support you and your spouse with how to cope with divorce is crucial.  Remember that you hired professionals to help you for a reason, so listen to their advice where appropriate, and evaluate every step of the process with that in mind.

Aside from professionals, find friends and family who you trust and who can help you on a more personal level.  Your mental and emotional state is critical and having a strong support system will help to ensure that you are kept healthy.

3. Be prepared

If you ultimately decide to file for divorce, you will need to do several things throughout the court process.  You will have to tell your story over and over again.  You will need to disclose financial information for purposes of support and equitable distribution.  If you have children, you will need to propose a custody and parenting time plan.  These can be very arduous tasks, even if you have an attorney. 

Prepare a narrative that you can go back and review throughout the beginning stages of your divorce – this will help keep you and your attorney on track and may even jog your memory as you read it over and over again.  Make copies of your bank account and credit card statements (or save them in .pdf form on your personal computer) and note what tasks and responsibilities you take in your children’s daily lives, so when you have to make an argument, you have back up documentation.

4. Remember the big picture

In the divorce process, it can be really easy to lose focus.  Tensions may run high and react emotionally rather than strategically is a common misstep.  Make a list of what is most important to you and discuss it with your lawyer.  By staying on track, you are less likely to act unreasonably in the moment, which can hurt your case in the long run.  If you focus on your end goals, it will be much harder for you to be distracted.


At Lesnevich, Marzano-Lesnevich, O’Cathain & O’Cathain, LLC., our dedicated New Jersey divorce lawyers are here to help. Contact us today to schedule a consultation.