Tips for Dealing With a Messy Divorce
April 30, 2021
BY: Lesnevich, Marzano-Lesnevich, O'Cathain & O'Cathain
A difficult ex can make divorce into a living nightmare. Whether your ex has always been that way or the divorce has driven them to anger and revenge, you’re probably at your wit’s end trying to get through the whole ordeal. These four tips will help you navigate these changes without breaking a sweat.
A spiteful ex wants retribution for the imagined or real emotional trauma they experienced during the relationship or divorce. They’ll try to get under your skin and twist your emotions until you’re responding to their toxicity with your own. But arguing can often cause divorce procedures to stall as you’re less likely to come to agreements. Enter all conversations with your ex from a place of calm and provide only facts, not emotions, so that you give them less ammunition. And don’t be afraid to take a step back and think about your response before you give one.
Get It in Writing
Communicating through text, email, or other apps created for divorced couples can be the best way to talk outside of mediation. While some divorced couples do fine with phone or in-person conversations, having a hard copy of all conversations with time stamps may help with divorce proceedings. An angry ex is also less likely to harass you if they’re yelling at a blank screen.
Practice Some Empathy
Even if your ex is being difficult, they’re still a person with valid feelings and needs that are not being met. Their outbursts are likely due to something in the marriage that was left unresolved or they’re grieving a relationship that they thought could be worked out. While emotional or verbal abuse is never an excuse, understanding that they are also hurting may help you respond appropriately.
Manage Your Feelings
While understanding your ex’s emotions can be helpful, it’s more important to take care of your own. For some, this comes in the form of a licensed therapist or counselor. They can help guide you through the tough feelings you may be feeling. Reach out to your social support system. Friends and family will help your life feel normal despite the extreme changes you’re going through. Going to a support group can be the best option as it provides a safe, therapeutic environment to talk with the benefits of having a strong system of support when your ex is coming at you like a category four hurricane.
Going through a divorce can be painful for all parties involved, but following these tips can help strengthen your resolve as you negotiate. Contact a divorce lawyer today, such as a professional from Winfrey Law Firm, PLLC, to find out how we can help you navigate a tricky divorce.